Medium Lady Talks

Episode 114: The Difference Between Guilt And Shame when it comes to Self-Care with guest Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part two of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a Life + Work coach, keynote speaker, Author, Podcast Host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In part one of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Make sure you catch up on Part one of our conversation in episode 113!
 
Episode Summary
 
Once we find domestic freedom we’ve finally managed to create time for our own meaningful self care
In order to access guilt-free self care we have to first assert that taking care of ourselves isn’t bad and doesn’t make us bad people: it makes us human
Tami shares how she engages couples to begin determining the distribution of domestic labour as a Fair Play Facilitator
Tami describes Unicorn Space and explains the benefits of finding personhood outside of parenthood, partnership and professional work
I share my personal story of why starting the podcast was a big part of my own Unicorn Space
 What should you do with your Unicorn Space? It starts with a great question: What do you want to be known for?
Consider making a Cinderella list of all the things you want, and if that feels too big start with a simple list of the things you like and then share with those in your home!
 
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from Domestic Struggles with author and coach Tami Hackbarth
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Resources Mentioned
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rogers - find it from your library on Overdrive
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from the Domestic Struggle with author and speaker Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part one of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a life + work coach, keynote speaker, author, podcast host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In Part 1 of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Tune in next week for Part 2 of the conversation where we talk more about that actual self care and how to make the most of your newfound free time!
 
Episode Summary
The shocking question Tami’s boss asked her that started it all: Are you happy? Tami’s then set to work conducting a year long experiment to take care of herself and the results probably won’t surprise you but her commitment definitely will!
The odds are we run into burnout after leaving our needs unmet - even those needs that we’re not aware of. It can be vulnerable to admit we have needs just like everybody else and it can be very difficult to ask for help to have those needs fulfilled.
Having those needs met means we have to give up control, especially in our absence
Tami and Erin compare notes on how it feels to parent our kids based on their gender and the expectations on us to care about their appearance accordingly]
When we disengage from the scripts about gendered work, we set the stage for freedom for everyone in the household to let go of societal norms and pressures
You have to start letting go of your attachment to domestic duties, relinquishing them to your kids and partner - otherwise you’ll have to do them.FOREVER.
The hilarious conversation Tami had with a 4th grader after he told her she was “the laziest grownup he’d ever met”
Some of this is unappealing - usually because it’s not a quick fix, even though it works!
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 112: Everyday Gratitude - How to Move from Extreme to Routine with your Gratitude Practice

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is all about my daily gratitude habit that I call “Car Gratitude.” This episode is designed to help you consider your own gratitude habits and where you struggle to create time and space to reflect on what you’re grateful for. If you’ve tried to start a gratitude habit before with no success, this episode will give you the keys to lock down this life changing habit for good.
 
Episode Summary
This episode was inspired by my recent efforts to be more intentional and integrated when I produce content for the podcast and for instagram
Most days on Instagram in my stories on @medium.lady I share what I’m grateful for that day, I always film this from my car right before I catch the train to work
A recent poll on my stories revealed that only 40% of the Medium Lady Community agree that they make time for their own reflection and gratitude habits. 60% of the community admitted they don’t make time for this practice as often as they would like.
There were countless times I tried to make a gratitude habit stick and it didn’t work: and that’s not a problem, it’s actually very normal and common.
I’ll share the story of what was behind the very first instance of Car Gratitude that kicked off a two year habit
What are the benefits of practicing gratitude so consistently! I’ll share everything that has been part of my personal experience.
You don’t need money or skill to do gratitude well - what do you need? Time and space. And how do you do that? I’ll share my thoughts about overcoming the barrier of time and space to create more room for your emerging gratitude practice.
You might have developed a gratitude instinct when times are tough - and why you might want to quit that before developing a deeper gratitude practice. I’ll share what you can do instead.
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

[REPOST] Episode 89: Everyday Manifesting with guest Diana Alexander Rane

This episode originally aired in November of 2023
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In today’s episode I start the first part of my interview series “How to Get Out of Your own Way.” We kick off with Diana Alexander Rane a manifestation coach. Diana is such a warm and approachable person, we talked all about why you might resist manifestation, how to let it become an easy part of your life, and how to notice and adjust limiting beliefs that might be keep8ing you from stepping into the place in the world that is made for you.
Episode Highlights:
Diana shares her first experience in high school with manifesting
How studying health coaching turned into stress management turned into manifestation coaching
What Diana did when she found herself in a job she hated
Treating yourself with kindness while you change your mindset to manifest your desires
Can Manifestation be as easy as it seems?
What is a limiting belief? Where does it come from? How do we  notice them?
The example of how to shift beliefs using manifesting practices when it comes to making money
The one key question to get out of your own way and go after what you’ve been dreaming of
The funny example Diana shared of using Manifestation in her life - it’s not what you might expect!
 
Recommended Resources:
Byron Katie: the four liberating questions https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/ 
Carolyn Mace https://www.myss.com/start-here/ describest personal truths and universal truths
Connect with Diana:
Instagram: @diana_alexander_rane https://www.instagram.com/diana_alexander_rane/ 
Explore Diana’s podcast The Conscious Mustard https://open.spotify.com/show/3zPrGwuQctZcBFiVaVFV5i?si=6dfca99d18174828 
 with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

[REPOST] Episode 83: Is Your Self Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of ”Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness” By Pooja Lakshmin M.D.

This is a repost of Episode 83 which originally aired September 27, 2023.
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Hello, hi! In today's episode, we dive into the transformative world of self-care by exploring the insights from Dr. Pooja Lakshmin's book "Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Re-defining Wellness (Cleanses, Crystals, and Bubble Baths Not Included)". This book reminds us that self-care isn't just a method but a fundamental principle that can guide us toward healthier practices.
Take my quick quiz to see which Self Care persona fits you! Quiz Link
The Three Self Care Personas
Dr. Lakshmin introduces us to three distinct self-care personas, each driven by specific emotions and motivations:
The Escape Persona: This persona seeks self-care as an escape. They may indulge in retreats and isolation from daily responsibilities, finding solace in the care of strangers.
The Achievement Persona: For this persona, self-care is often tied to achievement. They are driven by a desire to prove themselves, sometimes to the point of isolation, and yearn for meaningful connections amidst their busy lives.
The Optimizer Persona: This persona focuses on hyper-competence, productivity, organization, and control. They see time management as the ultimate form of self-care.
Understanding Your Self Care Persona
We'll explore the emotions that drive each persona and delve into strategies to choose alternative, healthier self-care practices that align with your persona.
Affirmations for Positive Change
Additionally, we'll provide affirmations tailored to each persona to support positive transformations in your self-care journey.
Resources Mentioned
Book: "Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Re-defining Wellness (Cleanses, Crystals, and Bubble Baths Not Included)" by Pooja Lakshmin MD.
Book: "How to Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davis.
Podcast: Pooja Lakshmin on Struggle Care.
Previous Episode: Episode 82: The Identity Revolution: Why I plan my free time each month.
Self-Compassion Assessment Tool: A resource from Kristin Neff for exploring self-compassion.
Self Compassion Break: An adapted exercise by Kristin Neff within the episode.
Book: "Overcoming Overwhelm" by Dr. Samantha Brody.
 
Key Topics
Self Care Personas
Understanding different approaches to self-care
Emotional Drivers
Exploring the motivations behind self-care choices
Alternative Self-Care Strategies
Finding healthier practices for self-care
Positive Affirmations
Using affirmations for personal growth
Recommended Resources
Books and podcasts for self-improvement
Self-Care Quiz
Discover your own self-care persona
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads."
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 111: The Perfect Summer Doesn’t Exist: Overcome your Limiting Beliefs and My Free Monthly Planner

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is another Monthly Planning episode - consider it self-care for your summer! This episode is aimed at walking you through my free download “How to Start a New Month” which aims to help you consider how to mindfully embrace the month ahead and plan how you want to focus on yourself in the future. Grab your copy of the free download here, and let’s get started!
 
Episode Summary
I share why having the house to myself isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
Sometimes we anticipate our future self that is the “ideal self” and we imagine that ideal self doing everything “perfectly”. When that doesn’t come to pass we can be left feeling kind of icky
My biggest hangup about the summer is the following limiting belief: “If I don’t optimize my time, the summer will be wasted”
When we identify limiting beliefs we want to just get rid of them forever, but I’ll share why it’s more helpful to think of this practice as turning down the dial rather than flipping the switch.
You might have a different limiting belief about the summer - I’ll talk through a few
How do you tackle a limiting belief once you’ve realized it? I’ll walk you through my personal method to gain perspective and take away some of the belief’s power.
After we gain some perspective on our limiting beliefs we can take action and start planning for the month of August
Part one: What is known about August? What are you looking forward to? How do you want to feel?
Part two: What am I learning? Take a look back on your year, or even the last three month to think about highlights, and the events or feelings you want to carry with you into the new month.
Part three: Have some fun describing the “vibe” for the month ahead, imagining the sounds, smells, textures associated with the month
Put all three parts together and come up with a plan: make decisions about how you want to spend your time. What are you going to read? How are you going to play? Where are you going to experiment? How are you going to focus your thoughts?
You already have everything you need to experiment with this kind of plan, the stakes are low and the return on investment is high. Trust me I’ve been planning like this for almost FIVE years!
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 57: How I Plan My Month - An Example of Thoughtful and Personalized Monthly Planning
Episode 84: September Reflections and October Intentions - A Monthly Planning Guide
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Other Resources mentioned:
Soundtracks by Jon Acuff - on Overdrive!
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 110: Feeling Lonely? A Book Review of The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer Healthier and Happier by Kasley Killiam

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a review and critique of the book “The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer Healthier and Happier” by Kasley Killiam. This episode is designed to share a bit about the book, my major take aways, and a reflection on the key frameworks that might guide you to think differently about your connections. Are you a Butterfly, Firefly, Evergreen or Wallflower? Listen to find out!
Episode Summary
I’m going to review and apply the concepts from the newly published book The ARt and Science of Connection by Kasley Killiam
I share my review of the book, what I liked and what didn’t work for me
Killiam writes “Health connection with other people requires a health connection with yourself. Which includes: knowing yourself, caring for yourself, honoring your needs and bringing that authentic self into interactions with others.”
“Research has shown that lonely people tend to be hypervigilant in social interactions and more prone to focusing on the negative than the positive: more guarded, they have more self-doubt, they might feel more self-conscious and make more assumptions about their interactions.”
These realizations from the book have me asking: Are you lonely? (PS It’s totally ok and normal if your answer is yes)
Interactions as millennials and mothers might be laden with a lot more nuance and context that adds to this hypervigilance and monitoring of our interactions in a way that leads to self-criticism and more loneliness
Connection (even healthy positive connection!) will always require time and energy, yet time and energy usually feels like a scarce and precious resource for millennials and mothers
Is social health different for Millennials than other older generations? I think so!
I’ll share the four connection “personalities” outlined by Killiam: Butterfly, Evergreen, Firefly and Wallflower PLUS I couldn’t help but add a fifth personality of my own!
How do you know how to improve your relationships? There are 4 options: Strengthen, Rest, Tone and Flex
Once you gain awareness about the way connection meets your needs and how you want to improve your connections the hardest part is likely going to be taking action - and seeking connection from others to meet those needs - relying on others to respond to those needs: you can do it!
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered: Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Episode 83: Is your Self-Care Helpful or Harmful - A book review of “Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness” by Pooja Lakshmin MD.
Introverts and Extroverts with Handsome Face
 
Other Resources mentioned:
The Art and Science of Connection by Kasley Killiam - on Overdrive!
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on TikTok and Instagram

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a first for the show: Medium Lady Rants? After being influenced by a few videos critiquing BookTok and the Beauty Influencer space it occurred to me that some of the problems in those spaces also exist in the motherhood content space. And I have a lot of thoughts about it! This episode is designed to give you some healthy skepticism about short form content that targets mothers, so you can avoid the shame and blame that can sometimes be triggered after a scroll session.
Episode Summary
Why do moms seek this kind of content in the first place? And why can it be harmful?
While we don’t need to call out or “cancel” any particular creator there are themes behind some of the content that is useful to pay attention to
I’ll talk about why I resisted embracing the “Mom” niche for so long
The “machine” of social media is not invested in our wellness at all - even if creators are doing their best to create intentional content
Ultimately, motherhood content on social media feels like it’s serving a need - if we’re aware of what those needs are we can be more mindful as we consume short form content. 
It’s crucial to remember that virality will always come before your mental health - and I’ll explain more about why this is the case.
What is rage baiting? And how does it work when it comes to short form content for mothers?
Remember your focus and attention is currency: creators will use your insecurities as the entry point to gain more of that currency as collateral you might find yourself being preyed upon for engagement.
I routinely reflect on the struggle I’ve experienced as a content creator to dabble with and mess around in some of the spaces that provide a straighter path to growth and virality and the cost of that would be my personal desire to help people and leave my audience better than when they found me.
Awareness of how this content can leave you in a shame and blame spiral is only good if it compels you to take ACTION - I’ll share my suggestions for how you can bring mindfulness and digital habits to your consumption of short form content (it’s easy I promise)
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Other Resources mentioned:
The Opal App
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care: Prioritizing Your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part two of my interview with Madeline Farquarson from Knomii. Madeline is a Certified Professional Coach and Co-Founder of Knomii. Her coaching and counseling practice helps self-aware and overwhelmed achievers reclaim their freedom and energy by reconnecting with themselves. As an anxious overthinker herself, she loves helping people trapped in their lives and heads start taking action and making decisions that put all that self-awareness to good use. The second part of our conversation describes safety, needs and how challenging it can be to gain awareness when we’re not able to address those needs. Make sure you head back to listen to Episode 107 for more of the conversation set up and aha moments!
 
Episode Summary
How important safety is to explore your emotional experience, and how a coach can hold the keys to that emotional safety
There’s a lot of highly consumable material out there on mental wellness: “psychological life hacks” and sometimes it can be exhausting to figure out how to put that knowledge to good use for your own relief.
Madeline describes a new way to think about your needs sharing the Sailboat Metaphor from Scott Barry Kaufman and how that can help us conceive more creatively about what we’re needing to manage our mental wellness
Madeline also describes using the Needs Wheel as a way of honing in on what might be going on when our psychological needs aren’t being met, but our physical or social safety is secure.
While we’re often conditioned to suppress our needs or compare them to others, Madeline reminds the audience “Your ability to take care of yourself, doesn’t take away from anyone else.”
If you’re interested in a hybrid group/1:1 course on Emotions from Madeline and Knomii you can sign up for the fall wait list HERE
Think about where you’re at in the cycle of awareness, acceptance and action - If you’re stuck in “awareness” think about moving in to the experimenter/observers mindset you can learn more in this YouTube Video
Connect with Madeline and Knomii:
Website: www.knomii.com 
Instagram: www.instagram.com/knomii.coach
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@knomii.coach
Free 30-min clarity call: https://savvycal.com/knomii/mediumlady
Join the waitlist for the Knomii Emotions course launching this fall
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action: How to Reclaim Your Mental Headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson from Knomii

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part one of my interview with Madeline Farquarson from Knomii. Madeline is a Certified Professional Coach and Co-Founder of Knomii. Her coaching and counselling practice helps self-aware and overwhelmed achievers reclaim their freedom and energy by reconnecting with themselves. As an anxious over-thinker herself, she loves helping people trapped in their lives and heads start taking action and making decisions that put all that self-awareness to good use. The first part of our conversation tackles the overlap between therapy and coaching and teaches us a very helpful lesson about the difference between fear, anxiety and overthinking. Make sure you’re following the podcast so you don’t miss part two of the conversation next week!
Episode Summary
Madeline shares why having a deeper sense of purpose and meaning is something that gets her out of bed in the morning
Listen for a great description on what coaching is, what coaching isn’t, what therapy is and what therapy isn’t - you’ve always wanted to know!
An exploration of the gap between therapy and coaching and how to bridge that for yourself and with your wellness team
Why therapy can feel unproductive at times - even when you’re working really hard!
Does self-awareness lead to burnout? Madeline and Erin both think so… but you need to reflect back on times when this might have been true for you.
The difference between core emotions and inhibitor emotions will change the way you think about your anxiety. 
Anxiety is an inhibitor emotion, it’s trying to inhibit your experience of a core emotion that you’ve learned is unsafe to feel
Overthinking is a defence emotion which tries to protect us from the discomfort and pain of inhibitory emotions or core emotions
Remember this: “Challenging emotions lead us to feelings of relief when we express them.”
 
Connect with Madeline and Knomii:
Website: www.knomii.com 
Instagram: www.instagram.com/knomii.coach
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@knomii.coach
Free 30-min clarity call: https://savvycal.com/knomii/mediumlady
 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads