Medium Lady Talks: Burnout Recovery for Millennials and Mothers

Episode 118: More Medium Effort Advice: "Past Me Had it All Figured Out..."

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is more Medium Effort Advice. In this episode our listener asked “Past me seemed to have it all figured out. I look at pictures from 2-3 years ago and I want to get back to that but right now everything feels too hard. What do I do?”  This episode is for you if you feel like you used to be on top of things, but somehow, you’ve gotten off track.
Episode Summary
Check in:  I’m fighting the end of a cold (sorry for the congestion!) and all of my October anticipation (yay! Events! Friends! Family!) is colliding with that common desire to just cancel everything and stay home.
Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to get back on track, especially when comparing your current self to your past self.
High effort problem solving: the high effort approach will quickly flex to muscle things back to ‘the way they were’. This approach tries to solve the problem by taking a deficit-minded approach to goal setting. This approach might take on a “self-care project” that will demonstrate achievement or future transformation. While you may get a high from the initial goal setting, eventually these radical goals are hard to sustain and may perpetuate the cycle when you find yourself “off track” again.
Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming and dreads a future where everything is even worse. They spend so much time catastrophizing the future they become anxious and overwhelmed. Because of this, the low effort personality will avoid their core emotions and escape by performing activities that change the external environment. These activitiies usually keep their hands busy in a way that temporarily helps “shut off” those emotions.   
Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the troubled past, or the dreaded future, what if wes set goals based on our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources).
Medium effort goal setting addresses what’s happened between that “past you” and the present - reflecting on the passage of time, evaluating the themes of your past and reviewing what you’re proud of and how you’ve tackled challenges. This approach allows you to fill in the gaps between here and there adn acknowledge that there’s many things that influenced change over time. 
Mindfully setting goals after acknowledging the past enables you to acknowledge present you and use what has gone well in the past to support your future growth and goal achievement.
Mindful Fun: Build a playlist to ground you in the present season. These songs might include some nostalgic favourites but should be focused on what you’re enjoying right now. Enjoy the playlist whenever you’re engaging in tasks or habits to support your new goals. Let the music you choose today represent your current season of life so future you can remember this time fondly.
A Moment of Gratitude:
I share my gratitude for my parents both for hosting my youngest two sons for a sleep over but also to acknowledge our evolving relationship and the ways that our relationship has been able to evolve to meet our needs and the season of life we find ourselves in. Mom and Dad, I love you both very much.
 
Other Resources Mentioned:
Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m doing too many things and none of them well!”
Episode 83: Is your Self-Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of “Real Self-Care” by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Episode 69: Unlocking the Simple Secrets of Goal Setting with guest Jillian O’Keefe
Episode 62: Gentle Goal Setting for Burnt Out Mothers and Millennials
 
Medium Lady Reads Episode 28 - Your TBR is Just a Version of Your Ideal Self
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - "Help I'm doing too much, and none of it well!"

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a new kind of format, we’re doing “Medium Effort Advice”. One listener asked me on instagram: “How do I handle the problem of doing too much? Because I’m going too many things,  I end up not doing them well or even to completion. This episode is for you if you too are struggling with all.the.things this fall, and you want a bit of relief!
 
Episode Summary
Check in:  The weekend did not go as planed but as the month of September closes out, I’ll look back on what I enjoyed about the month, and I look ahead to what I’m anticipating being fun and fulfilling in October
Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to address the problem of doing too many things and not doing any of them well or to completion.
High effort problem solving: the high effort approach sees this with regret from the past, focused on allll those things that were never finished. This approach tries to solve the problem by putting it on lock in order to achieve a more ideal future state - planners, systems and rules. This approach also sees optimizing your time and maximizing productivity as “self-care”
Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming but impossible to change. They also regret the past, but even more so they dread the future as this cycle keeps repeating itself. Because this person never says no to new things, they may be getting something out of the problem some kind of positive feedback for taking on more and more. 
Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the regretful past, or the dreaded future what if we think about our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources).
Medium effort notes the limiting belief inherent in the question “I never do things well” or “I never finish things properly. Addressing this limiting belief helps us take action in a way that questions the limiting belief and instead confronts it with evidence from our resourceful past that proves actually, we do many things well, and we have seen lots of opportunities through to completion.
Mindful Fun: In order to further help solidify your new beliefs about this problem I give the listener an “assignment” to create a project hall of fame for past projects that have gone well, AND instructions to conduct “closing ceremonies” for all of their unfinished business, so they can gain the permission they need to stop pursuing those undone things that are bogging them down.
 
A Moment of Gratitude:
Did you know about Banned Book Week? (Sept 22-28) I share my gratitude for Libraries and all they do to maintain accessibility to knowledge and to fight against forces that would limit our agency and autonomy by controlling access information and artistic expression.
 
Other Resources Mentioned:
Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths about Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 89: Everyday Manifesting with Diana Alexander Rane
Medium Lady Reads Episode 27 - Escape and Put Your Face in a Book
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 116: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Imposter Syndrome Is the Worst

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is another behind the scenes episode of content creation and podcast   production. For my monthly plan this September I decided to focus my awareness on imposter syndrome, and paying attention to where that shows up in my life and how hesitation and self-doubt affect my actions. This episode is for you if you’ve ever heard that tiny , nagging voice ask “Who are you to have the nerve?” 
 
Episode Summary
 
Check in:  I struggled to find my footing in the month of September due to preconceived notions that everything was “stable”. As a mom I’ve found myself on a learning curve that I didn’t anticipate!   
I’ll share a window into this September’s monthly plan and how thinking more about Imposter Syndrome has even got me thinking about how often self-doubt creeps into podcast creation. 
What are the specifics of Imposter syndrome? Persistent self-doubt, despite previous success and an ongoing fear of being “found out” attributing your success to luck or diminishing your accomplishments. Check, check, check.
Imposter syndrome is worth paying attention to and being conscious of because it inhibits our desire to try new things and grow. It holds us back! Not only that but this hesitation creeps into our relationship and shapes our interactions with others.
What stops the cycle? First off: self-awareness. Train your brain to look for imposter syndrome by calling it out and looking for it.
Other ways you can move past imposter syndrome:Reframe your mindset to focus on the evidence of your accomplishments: start by saying “I’m so proud that I ________”
 Let others around you help you gain perspective, not to seek validation and approval but to course correct your self-doubt
Practice your  self-compassion: What if you could come and give you a big hug? Or high five you during the small day to day wins?
You can capture a more realistic picture of what’s working well using my daily planner strategy
Accept that your growth will be associated with not getting things right on the first try - this doesn’t mean you have to doubt your entire existence - you might just need time to learn that new thing.
I share a bit more of my own thoughts about why I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome as a podcaster lately, that goes back even farther to my doubts about “Medium Lady” being the right brand name.   
A Moment of Gratitude:
Are you packing up any summer clothes? What did you experience wearing those clothes this season? What did you enjoy wearing? What will you be excited to see again next year?  
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths about Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Medium Lady Reads Episode 27 - Escape and Put Your Face in a Book
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 115: Five Things You Can Do Right Now to Survive September

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is one of my favourites, part of my “Five things” series for all of our episodes that end with the number 5. This episode is going to give us a way to focus on mindfulness during a chaotic season of family life: the month of September. The goal of the episode is to help you gain a sense of presence that you can continue to return to through the upheaval of a busy season of transitions.
 
Episode Summary
Check in: I’ll share what’s going on these last few weeks and why I probably need today’s episode as much as anyone else. TLDR; parenting in September is A LOT y’all.
The Five thing you can do right now to survive September, are all about remembering a lot of the things i’ve already been able to get good at over the last 5 years: Mindfulness, Presence, Setting Priorities and OinBoundaries, Self-compassion, Rest.
One of the first things we can do around our survival of September is to set boundaries on our self-talk and how we manage meeting our own internal expectations: How can you talk to yourself in ways that represent a kinder and gentler perspective on your own expectations?
 Use the acronym GRASS to remind yourself of this mindfulness practice:G: Ground into the present moment
R: Remind yourself of what’s in your control (and what isn’t)
A: Acknowledge what’s working
S: Say thank you
S: Sleep and Rest
Why is Mindfulness the perfect antidote to September? Because often time transitions bring up a host of limiting beliefs that usually make us feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious and frustrated. What mindfulness does is it bring more emotions to the table to keep those emotions company, which allow us to experience more emotional balance.
You don’t have to do all of the letters in order BUT if you want to achieve Sleep/Rest, you will probably find a smoother path to good quality sleep if you do actually practice the grounding and mindfulness exercises first.
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from Domestic Struggles with author and coach Tami Hackbarth
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 114: The Difference Between Guilt And Shame when it comes to Self-Care with guest Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part two of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a Life + Work coach, keynote speaker, Author, Podcast Host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In part one of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Make sure you catch up on Part one of our conversation in episode 113!
 
Episode Summary
 
Once we find domestic freedom we’ve finally managed to create time for our own meaningful self care
In order to access guilt-free self care we have to first assert that taking care of ourselves isn’t bad and doesn’t make us bad people: it makes us human
Tami shares how she engages couples to begin determining the distribution of domestic labour as a Fair Play Facilitator
Tami describes Unicorn Space and explains the benefits of finding personhood outside of parenthood, partnership and professional work
I share my personal story of why starting the podcast was a big part of my own Unicorn Space
 What should you do with your Unicorn Space? It starts with a great question: What do you want to be known for?
Consider making a Cinderella list of all the things you want, and if that feels too big start with a simple list of the things you like and then share with those in your home!
 
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from Domestic Struggles with author and coach Tami Hackbarth
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Resources Mentioned
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rogers - find it from your library on Overdrive
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from the Domestic Struggle with author and speaker Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part one of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a life + work coach, keynote speaker, author, podcast host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In Part 1 of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Tune in next week for Part 2 of the conversation where we talk more about that actual self care and how to make the most of your newfound free time!
 
Episode Summary
The shocking question Tami’s boss asked her that started it all: Are you happy? Tami’s then set to work conducting a year long experiment to take care of herself and the results probably won’t surprise you but her commitment definitely will!
The odds are we run into burnout after leaving our needs unmet - even those needs that we’re not aware of. It can be vulnerable to admit we have needs just like everybody else and it can be very difficult to ask for help to have those needs fulfilled.
Having those needs met means we have to give up control, especially in our absence
Tami and Erin compare notes on how it feels to parent our kids based on their gender and the expectations on us to care about their appearance accordingly]
When we disengage from the scripts about gendered work, we set the stage for freedom for everyone in the household to let go of societal norms and pressures
You have to start letting go of your attachment to domestic duties, relinquishing them to your kids and partner - otherwise you’ll have to do them.FOREVER.
The hilarious conversation Tami had with a 4th grader after he told her she was “the laziest grownup he’d ever met”
Some of this is unappealing - usually because it’s not a quick fix, even though it works!
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 112: Everyday Gratitude - How to Move from Extreme to Routine with your Gratitude Practice

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is all about my daily gratitude habit that I call “Car Gratitude.” This episode is designed to help you consider your own gratitude habits and where you struggle to create time and space to reflect on what you’re grateful for. If you’ve tried to start a gratitude habit before with no success, this episode will give you the keys to lock down this life changing habit for good.
 
Episode Summary
This episode was inspired by my recent efforts to be more intentional and integrated when I produce content for the podcast and for instagram
Most days on Instagram in my stories on @medium.lady I share what I’m grateful for that day, I always film this from my car right before I catch the train to work
A recent poll on my stories revealed that only 40% of the Medium Lady Community agree that they make time for their own reflection and gratitude habits. 60% of the community admitted they don’t make time for this practice as often as they would like.
There were countless times I tried to make a gratitude habit stick and it didn’t work: and that’s not a problem, it’s actually very normal and common.
I’ll share the story of what was behind the very first instance of Car Gratitude that kicked off a two year habit
What are the benefits of practicing gratitude so consistently! I’ll share everything that has been part of my personal experience.
You don’t need money or skill to do gratitude well - what do you need? Time and space. And how do you do that? I’ll share my thoughts about overcoming the barrier of time and space to create more room for your emerging gratitude practice.
You might have developed a gratitude instinct when times are tough - and why you might want to quit that before developing a deeper gratitude practice. I’ll share what you can do instead.
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

[REPOST] Episode 89: Everyday Manifesting with guest Diana Alexander Rane

This episode originally aired in November of 2023
______________
In today’s episode I start the first part of my interview series “How to Get Out of Your own Way.” We kick off with Diana Alexander Rane a manifestation coach. Diana is such a warm and approachable person, we talked all about why you might resist manifestation, how to let it become an easy part of your life, and how to notice and adjust limiting beliefs that might be keep8ing you from stepping into the place in the world that is made for you.
Episode Highlights:
Diana shares her first experience in high school with manifesting
How studying health coaching turned into stress management turned into manifestation coaching
What Diana did when she found herself in a job she hated
Treating yourself with kindness while you change your mindset to manifest your desires
Can Manifestation be as easy as it seems?
What is a limiting belief? Where does it come from? How do we  notice them?
The example of how to shift beliefs using manifesting practices when it comes to making money
The one key question to get out of your own way and go after what you’ve been dreaming of
The funny example Diana shared of using Manifestation in her life - it’s not what you might expect!
 
Recommended Resources:
Byron Katie: the four liberating questions https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/ 
Carolyn Mace https://www.myss.com/start-here/ describest personal truths and universal truths
Connect with Diana:
Instagram: @diana_alexander_rane https://www.instagram.com/diana_alexander_rane/ 
Explore Diana’s podcast The Conscious Mustard https://open.spotify.com/show/3zPrGwuQctZcBFiVaVFV5i?si=6dfca99d18174828 
 with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

[REPOST] Episode 83: Is Your Self Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of ”Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness” By Pooja Lakshmin M.D.

This is a repost of Episode 83 which originally aired September 27, 2023.
__________
Hello, hi! In today's episode, we dive into the transformative world of self-care by exploring the insights from Dr. Pooja Lakshmin's book "Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Re-defining Wellness (Cleanses, Crystals, and Bubble Baths Not Included)". This book reminds us that self-care isn't just a method but a fundamental principle that can guide us toward healthier practices.
Take my quick quiz to see which Self Care persona fits you! Quiz Link
The Three Self Care Personas
Dr. Lakshmin introduces us to three distinct self-care personas, each driven by specific emotions and motivations:
The Escape Persona: This persona seeks self-care as an escape. They may indulge in retreats and isolation from daily responsibilities, finding solace in the care of strangers.
The Achievement Persona: For this persona, self-care is often tied to achievement. They are driven by a desire to prove themselves, sometimes to the point of isolation, and yearn for meaningful connections amidst their busy lives.
The Optimizer Persona: This persona focuses on hyper-competence, productivity, organization, and control. They see time management as the ultimate form of self-care.
Understanding Your Self Care Persona
We'll explore the emotions that drive each persona and delve into strategies to choose alternative, healthier self-care practices that align with your persona.
Affirmations for Positive Change
Additionally, we'll provide affirmations tailored to each persona to support positive transformations in your self-care journey.
Resources Mentioned
Book: "Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Re-defining Wellness (Cleanses, Crystals, and Bubble Baths Not Included)" by Pooja Lakshmin MD.
Book: "How to Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davis.
Podcast: Pooja Lakshmin on Struggle Care.
Previous Episode: Episode 82: The Identity Revolution: Why I plan my free time each month.
Self-Compassion Assessment Tool: A resource from Kristin Neff for exploring self-compassion.
Self Compassion Break: An adapted exercise by Kristin Neff within the episode.
Book: "Overcoming Overwhelm" by Dr. Samantha Brody.
 
Key Topics
Self Care Personas
Understanding different approaches to self-care
Emotional Drivers
Exploring the motivations behind self-care choices
Alternative Self-Care Strategies
Finding healthier practices for self-care
Positive Affirmations
Using affirmations for personal growth
Recommended Resources
Books and podcasts for self-improvement
Self-Care Quiz
Discover your own self-care persona
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads."
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 111: The Perfect Summer Doesn’t Exist: Overcome your Limiting Beliefs and My Free Monthly Planner

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is another Monthly Planning episode - consider it self-care for your summer! This episode is aimed at walking you through my free download “How to Start a New Month” which aims to help you consider how to mindfully embrace the month ahead and plan how you want to focus on yourself in the future. Grab your copy of the free download here, and let’s get started!
 
Episode Summary
I share why having the house to myself isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
Sometimes we anticipate our future self that is the “ideal self” and we imagine that ideal self doing everything “perfectly”. When that doesn’t come to pass we can be left feeling kind of icky
My biggest hangup about the summer is the following limiting belief: “If I don’t optimize my time, the summer will be wasted”
When we identify limiting beliefs we want to just get rid of them forever, but I’ll share why it’s more helpful to think of this practice as turning down the dial rather than flipping the switch.
You might have a different limiting belief about the summer - I’ll talk through a few
How do you tackle a limiting belief once you’ve realized it? I’ll walk you through my personal method to gain perspective and take away some of the belief’s power.
After we gain some perspective on our limiting beliefs we can take action and start planning for the month of August
Part one: What is known about August? What are you looking forward to? How do you want to feel?
Part two: What am I learning? Take a look back on your year, or even the last three month to think about highlights, and the events or feelings you want to carry with you into the new month.
Part three: Have some fun describing the “vibe” for the month ahead, imagining the sounds, smells, textures associated with the month
Put all three parts together and come up with a plan: make decisions about how you want to spend your time. What are you going to read? How are you going to play? Where are you going to experiment? How are you going to focus your thoughts?
You already have everything you need to experiment with this kind of plan, the stakes are low and the return on investment is high. Trust me I’ve been planning like this for almost FIVE years!
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 57: How I Plan My Month - An Example of Thoughtful and Personalized Monthly Planning
Episode 84: September Reflections and October Intentions - A Monthly Planning Guide
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Other Resources mentioned:
Soundtracks by Jon Acuff - on Overdrive!
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads