Medium Lady Talks: Burnout Recovery for Millennials and Mothers

Episode 121: Mindful Content Creators and the Quest to Curate A Perfect Childhood with guest Stephanie Cunningham

Hello, hi! Today’s episode features a returning special guest to Medium Lady, my friend Stephanie Cunningham. Stef can be found on instagram @steffski where she role models real-life living, sharing both the highs and the lows of homeschooling, intergenerational living and breaking the “highlight reel” so that her friends and followers feel like they can share in the chaos of this season of life.  
Episode Summary
Stephanie’s guiding principles about what she shares online are about authenticity and serving her own interest first, which is such a refreshing point of view when we see overly curated or highly produced content online
 We discuss how much our attention might be drawn to “online perfection” while we also desire seeing, meeting and building connection with people who are “just like us”
A really amazing part of our friendship is that we’re both creating content online: Stephanie and I reflect on where we’ve become more mindful about creating content even when it’s hard to resist the pull of “virality” we acknowledge that it’s not good for us and it’s not good for our communities
Through thoughtful exploration time and time again with my audience I have been teasing apart the nuance of guilt experienced by women. What comes up time and time again are the concerns and worries that women have about their motherhood: am I doing enough of the right things for my children? Am I giving them the childhood they deserve? If we all want to give our kids a magical childhood where does that desire come from? How is it affected by curated motherhood content online?
Our kids also have their focus drawn to content online and just like us, they have desires to bring that online content into their real lives - this changes the stakes for how we manage their expectations, and ours.
Part of our desire for our children to have a magical childhood comes from the emerging conversation about how much our parents’ choices affected us, and why we might feel compelled to make sure our kids never have similar experiences. “Cycle Breaking” happens when you’re willing to get off the pendulum and acknowledge that your parents did the best that they could and sometimes they made mistakes and those mistakes affected us.
The best way I’ve heard this said was listening to advocate and speaker Prasanna Ranganathan when he said his parents were “always careful to protect me while never limiting my opportunities.
Curating childhood as millennial mothers also includes awareness of screen time and how we help our kids interact with screens 
Our job as parents is not to make sure our kids are happy 100% of the time…. But what about the holidays? The pressure increases to curate a perfect childhood around the holidays and this can be exacerbated by what you see online.
One KEY question to ask yourself around making memories this holiday season is “What do I want our family/my kids’ takeaway to be from this season?” and maybe, (probably) that will mean going against the mainstream in some way or another
Stef and I also chat about the days that aren’t “holiday” and the specialness of Ordinary Time - most of our days are these sacred ordinary days and there are plenty of opportunities to bring mindful celebration and gratitude to those “regular old” days.
You don’t have to do this on you own! Stephanie and her partner Craig make time to plan and work out their intentions together before they get too deep into the season
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About
Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!”
Episode 87: Cultivating your Aspirations with guest Stephanie Cunningham
Episode 23: In the Interest of Realness with Stephanie Cunningham
Medium Lady Reads Episode 30- Would You Try a DNF Challenge?
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 120: 9 Small Things My Husband Never Feels Guilty About with guest Handsome Face

Hello, hi! Today’s episode features a very special guest who hasn’t been on the pod in a while - my husband Nick! Nick reviews last week’s episode list of the 9 Small Things I’m No longer Feeling Guilty about. We hope you enjoy this episode and you like seeing another side of Medium Lady! 
 
Episode Summary
Check in:  I’ve brought Nick on mic to review the 9 things, and you may (or may not) be surprised what he thinks of these things!
Medium Effort
Here’s my medium effort list of 9 things  I’m no longer feeling guilty about
Buying and eating candy as a grown up
Shopping at a budget grocery store
Not eating enough protein
Reading a lot
Watching my shows on the big tv
Buying stupid stuff on Amazon that I could afford but didn’t use
Taking vacation days to be alone
Buying used books and not reading them
Not monetizing or not monetizing sooner
A Moment of Gratitude:
I share my gratitude for Nick - don’t worry he didn’t listen to that part of the recording. I feel so lucky to have a partner that is fun, values-driven and open to my many ideas and goals. Yet, he never let’s me take myself too seriously, which is exactly what I need!  
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About
Episode 114: The Difference Between Shame and Guilt with Tami Hackbarth
Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!”
Episode 74: How to be a Human With a Voice with guest Jam Gamble
Medium Lady Reads Episode 30- Would You Try a DNF Challenge?
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 119: Nine Small Things I'm No Longer Feeling Guilty About

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a personalized list of all the little things that I let myself feel guilty about. And through the episode I give myself permission to let these things go, mostly because there's nothing wrong with them! This episode is for you if you feel like you spend too much time trying to navigate guilt when you’re just trying to relax and enjoy yourself.
 
Episode Summary
Check in:  I’ve just come off an amazing experience hosting a live-in person event conceived by Jam Gamble creator and CEO of the Slay the Mic program and community
Today’s episode is a riff on some things I’ve been mulling ever since interviewing Tami Hackbarth from Episodes 113 and 114.
Tami talked all about 100% Guilt Free Self Care, and I’ve personally struggled with going from all the guilt to none of it - this list of small things I’m letting go of is my way of using Medium Effort to get past guilt especially when it comes to the small stuff.
Medium Effort
Here’s my medium effort list of 9 things  I’m no longer feeling guilty about
Buying and eating candy as a grown up
Shopping at a budget grocery store
Not eating enough protein
Reading a lot
Watching my shows on the big tv
Buying stupid stuff on Amazon that I could afford but didn’t use
Taking vacation days to be alone
Buying used books and not reading them
Not monetizing or not monetizing sooner
Mindful Fun
If you write your own list your follow up task is to look at it with a lighthearted point of view
Try to laugh especially if you’ve been carrying guilt about small things - you silly goose! Let that stuff go! We’re not going to let ourselves feel bad about feeling bad
A Moment of Gratitude:
I share my gratitude for my podcasting equipment. My mic, my computer, Riverside, my lighting and camera, so many tools that come together to help make the podcast what a gift! I am in awe of my setup when I remember how long I dreamt of having a podcast and now I have one that is enabled by amazing technology and tools.
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 114: The Difference Between Shame and Guilt with Tami Hackbarth
Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!”
Episode 74: How to be a Human With a Voice with guest Jam Gamble
Medium Lady Reads Episode 29 - Somewhere Beyond the Sea-Quel
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

[REPOST] Episode 28: How to Take Care while Sick

Hello, hi! Today's episodes is one of my personal favourites from the Medium Lady Talks archives, and very relevant given my recent bout with a nasty cold this last week! I'm just making an educated guess that you or someone in your household has been sick the last few weeks!
I love this episode because I made it while completely embracing how imperfect I felt while recording it waaaay back in 2022. I had a lot of doubts "why am I talking about being sick?" "will this even resonate with anyone?" but it turns out this episode is one I still get lots of great feedback on and when I relistened to it myself, I'm grateful for the advice past me shared. I hope you enjoy today's episode if you've never heard it and can think of your own ways to take care while sick.
~~~~~~
Hello, hi! Welcome to Season 2 of Medium Lady Talks! 
This week's episode talks about something most of us are familiar with at this point of 2022, getting sick. This episode covers my reflections on being sick in early January and what I've learned about how to take care when feeling the effects of illness. 
While this episode specifically covers "cold season" type illness, with symptoms that resolve and improve - I would invite anyone with experience with chronic illness or recurrent illness to connect on Instagram @medium.lady. This episode focuses on my own personal experience and invites you to reflect on yours, its not designed to be prescriptive or all-encompassing. If these tips help you, that's great! 
Here are the tips in the episode:
1. Sick doesn't equal Sad
2. Sick doesn't move in a straight line
3. Stay still when you're sick
4. You have the time to be sick
 
You can always help out the podcast by providing a rating or review, and sharing it with another Medium Lady in your life! Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss when the new episodes drop. I love to connect with listeners, you can swing by to say hi on Instagram, @medium.lady
 
Music is Climb by The Ghost in Your Piano. I'm grateful for its use via creative commons license.

Episode 118: More Medium Effort Advice: "Past Me Had it All Figured Out..."

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is more Medium Effort Advice. In this episode our listener asked “Past me seemed to have it all figured out. I look at pictures from 2-3 years ago and I want to get back to that but right now everything feels too hard. What do I do?”  This episode is for you if you feel like you used to be on top of things, but somehow, you’ve gotten off track.
Episode Summary
Check in:  I’m fighting the end of a cold (sorry for the congestion!) and all of my October anticipation (yay! Events! Friends! Family!) is colliding with that common desire to just cancel everything and stay home.
Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to get back on track, especially when comparing your current self to your past self.
High effort problem solving: the high effort approach will quickly flex to muscle things back to ‘the way they were’. This approach tries to solve the problem by taking a deficit-minded approach to goal setting. This approach might take on a “self-care project” that will demonstrate achievement or future transformation. While you may get a high from the initial goal setting, eventually these radical goals are hard to sustain and may perpetuate the cycle when you find yourself “off track” again.
Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming and dreads a future where everything is even worse. They spend so much time catastrophizing the future they become anxious and overwhelmed. Because of this, the low effort personality will avoid their core emotions and escape by performing activities that change the external environment. These activitiies usually keep their hands busy in a way that temporarily helps “shut off” those emotions.   
Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the troubled past, or the dreaded future, what if wes set goals based on our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources).
Medium effort goal setting addresses what’s happened between that “past you” and the present - reflecting on the passage of time, evaluating the themes of your past and reviewing what you’re proud of and how you’ve tackled challenges. This approach allows you to fill in the gaps between here and there adn acknowledge that there’s many things that influenced change over time. 
Mindfully setting goals after acknowledging the past enables you to acknowledge present you and use what has gone well in the past to support your future growth and goal achievement.
Mindful Fun: Build a playlist to ground you in the present season. These songs might include some nostalgic favourites but should be focused on what you’re enjoying right now. Enjoy the playlist whenever you’re engaging in tasks or habits to support your new goals. Let the music you choose today represent your current season of life so future you can remember this time fondly.
A Moment of Gratitude:
I share my gratitude for my parents both for hosting my youngest two sons for a sleep over but also to acknowledge our evolving relationship and the ways that our relationship has been able to evolve to meet our needs and the season of life we find ourselves in. Mom and Dad, I love you both very much.
 
Other Resources Mentioned:
Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m doing too many things and none of them well!”
Episode 83: Is your Self-Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of “Real Self-Care” by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Episode 69: Unlocking the Simple Secrets of Goal Setting with guest Jillian O’Keefe
Episode 62: Gentle Goal Setting for Burnt Out Mothers and Millennials
 
Medium Lady Reads Episode 28 - Your TBR is Just a Version of Your Ideal Self
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - "Help I'm doing too much, and none of it well!"

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a new kind of format, we’re doing “Medium Effort Advice”. One listener asked me on instagram: “How do I handle the problem of doing too much? Because I’m going too many things,  I end up not doing them well or even to completion. This episode is for you if you too are struggling with all.the.things this fall, and you want a bit of relief!
 
Episode Summary
Check in:  The weekend did not go as planed but as the month of September closes out, I’ll look back on what I enjoyed about the month, and I look ahead to what I’m anticipating being fun and fulfilling in October
Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to address the problem of doing too many things and not doing any of them well or to completion.
High effort problem solving: the high effort approach sees this with regret from the past, focused on allll those things that were never finished. This approach tries to solve the problem by putting it on lock in order to achieve a more ideal future state - planners, systems and rules. This approach also sees optimizing your time and maximizing productivity as “self-care”
Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming but impossible to change. They also regret the past, but even more so they dread the future as this cycle keeps repeating itself. Because this person never says no to new things, they may be getting something out of the problem some kind of positive feedback for taking on more and more. 
Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the regretful past, or the dreaded future what if we think about our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources).
Medium effort notes the limiting belief inherent in the question “I never do things well” or “I never finish things properly. Addressing this limiting belief helps us take action in a way that questions the limiting belief and instead confronts it with evidence from our resourceful past that proves actually, we do many things well, and we have seen lots of opportunities through to completion.
Mindful Fun: In order to further help solidify your new beliefs about this problem I give the listener an “assignment” to create a project hall of fame for past projects that have gone well, AND instructions to conduct “closing ceremonies” for all of their unfinished business, so they can gain the permission they need to stop pursuing those undone things that are bogging them down.
 
A Moment of Gratitude:
Did you know about Banned Book Week? (Sept 22-28) I share my gratitude for Libraries and all they do to maintain accessibility to knowledge and to fight against forces that would limit our agency and autonomy by controlling access information and artistic expression.
 
Other Resources Mentioned:
Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths about Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 89: Everyday Manifesting with Diana Alexander Rane
Medium Lady Reads Episode 27 - Escape and Put Your Face in a Book
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 116: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Imposter Syndrome Is the Worst

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is another behind the scenes episode of content creation and podcast   production. For my monthly plan this September I decided to focus my awareness on imposter syndrome, and paying attention to where that shows up in my life and how hesitation and self-doubt affect my actions. This episode is for you if you’ve ever heard that tiny , nagging voice ask “Who are you to have the nerve?” 
 
Episode Summary
 
Check in:  I struggled to find my footing in the month of September due to preconceived notions that everything was “stable”. As a mom I’ve found myself on a learning curve that I didn’t anticipate!   
I’ll share a window into this September’s monthly plan and how thinking more about Imposter Syndrome has even got me thinking about how often self-doubt creeps into podcast creation. 
What are the specifics of Imposter syndrome? Persistent self-doubt, despite previous success and an ongoing fear of being “found out” attributing your success to luck or diminishing your accomplishments. Check, check, check.
Imposter syndrome is worth paying attention to and being conscious of because it inhibits our desire to try new things and grow. It holds us back! Not only that but this hesitation creeps into our relationship and shapes our interactions with others.
What stops the cycle? First off: self-awareness. Train your brain to look for imposter syndrome by calling it out and looking for it.
Other ways you can move past imposter syndrome:Reframe your mindset to focus on the evidence of your accomplishments: start by saying “I’m so proud that I ________”
 Let others around you help you gain perspective, not to seek validation and approval but to course correct your self-doubt
Practice your  self-compassion: What if you could come and give you a big hug? Or high five you during the small day to day wins?
You can capture a more realistic picture of what’s working well using my daily planner strategy
Accept that your growth will be associated with not getting things right on the first try - this doesn’t mean you have to doubt your entire existence - you might just need time to learn that new thing.
I share a bit more of my own thoughts about why I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome as a podcaster lately, that goes back even farther to my doubts about “Medium Lady” being the right brand name.   
A Moment of Gratitude:
Are you packing up any summer clothes? What did you experience wearing those clothes this season? What did you enjoy wearing? What will you be excited to see again next year?  
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths about Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Medium Lady Reads Episode 27 - Escape and Put Your Face in a Book
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads
 

Episode 115: Five Things You Can Do Right Now to Survive September

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is one of my favourites, part of my “Five things” series for all of our episodes that end with the number 5. This episode is going to give us a way to focus on mindfulness during a chaotic season of family life: the month of September. The goal of the episode is to help you gain a sense of presence that you can continue to return to through the upheaval of a busy season of transitions.
 
Episode Summary
Check in: I’ll share what’s going on these last few weeks and why I probably need today’s episode as much as anyone else. TLDR; parenting in September is A LOT y’all.
The Five thing you can do right now to survive September, are all about remembering a lot of the things i’ve already been able to get good at over the last 5 years: Mindfulness, Presence, Setting Priorities and OinBoundaries, Self-compassion, Rest.
One of the first things we can do around our survival of September is to set boundaries on our self-talk and how we manage meeting our own internal expectations: How can you talk to yourself in ways that represent a kinder and gentler perspective on your own expectations?
 Use the acronym GRASS to remind yourself of this mindfulness practice:G: Ground into the present moment
R: Remind yourself of what’s in your control (and what isn’t)
A: Acknowledge what’s working
S: Say thank you
S: Sleep and Rest
Why is Mindfulness the perfect antidote to September? Because often time transitions bring up a host of limiting beliefs that usually make us feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious and frustrated. What mindfulness does is it bring more emotions to the table to keep those emotions company, which allow us to experience more emotional balance.
You don’t have to do all of the letters in order BUT if you want to achieve Sleep/Rest, you will probably find a smoother path to good quality sleep if you do actually practice the grounding and mindfulness exercises first.
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from Domestic Struggles with author and coach Tami Hackbarth
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 114: The Difference Between Guilt And Shame when it comes to Self-Care with guest Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part two of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a Life + Work coach, keynote speaker, Author, Podcast Host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In part one of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Make sure you catch up on Part one of our conversation in episode 113!
 
Episode Summary
 
Once we find domestic freedom we’ve finally managed to create time for our own meaningful self care
In order to access guilt-free self care we have to first assert that taking care of ourselves isn’t bad and doesn’t make us bad people: it makes us human
Tami shares how she engages couples to begin determining the distribution of domestic labour as a Fair Play Facilitator
Tami describes Unicorn Space and explains the benefits of finding personhood outside of parenthood, partnership and professional work
I share my personal story of why starting the podcast was a big part of my own Unicorn Space
 What should you do with your Unicorn Space? It starts with a great question: What do you want to be known for?
Consider making a Cinderella list of all the things you want, and if that feels too big start with a simple list of the things you like and then share with those in your home!
 
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from Domestic Struggles with author and coach Tami Hackbarth
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Resources Mentioned
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky - find it from your library on Overdrive
We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rogers - find it from your library on Overdrive
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads

Episode 113: Playing the Long Game in your Freedom from the Domestic Struggle with author and speaker Tami Hackbarth

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is part one of my interview with Tami Hackbarth a life + work coach, keynote speaker, author, podcast host and Fair Play Facilitator. Tami’s work helps women feel less like crap so they have the energy and bandwidth to create the world they want to live in. In Part 1 of our conversation we talk all about the re-balancing of domestic life as a means to find the time for self care. Tune in next week for Part 2 of the conversation where we talk more about that actual self care and how to make the most of your newfound free time!
 
Episode Summary
The shocking question Tami’s boss asked her that started it all: Are you happy? Tami’s then set to work conducting a year long experiment to take care of herself and the results probably won’t surprise you but her commitment definitely will!
The odds are we run into burnout after leaving our needs unmet - even those needs that we’re not aware of. It can be vulnerable to admit we have needs just like everybody else and it can be very difficult to ask for help to have those needs fulfilled.
Having those needs met means we have to give up control, especially in our absence
Tami and Erin compare notes on how it feels to parent our kids based on their gender and the expectations on us to care about their appearance accordingly]
When we disengage from the scripts about gendered work, we set the stage for freedom for everyone in the household to let go of societal norms and pressures
You have to start letting go of your attachment to domestic duties, relinquishing them to your kids and partner - otherwise you’ll have to do them.FOREVER.
The hilarious conversation Tami had with a 4th grader after he told her she was “the laziest grownup he’d ever met”
Some of this is unappealing - usually because it’s not a quick fix, even though it works!
 
Other Episodes you might like:
Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths About Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok
Episode 107: From Anxiety to Action - How to reclaim your mental headspace with guest and coach Madeline Farquharson
Episode 108: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care - Prioritizing your Needs with guest and coach Madeline Farquarson
 
Connect with Tami:
Website: www.tamihackbarth.com
Instagram: @tamihackbarth 
Free workshop! Reduce the Mental Load - https://www.tamihackbarth.com/reduce-mental-load 
Connect with Erin:
Instagram: @medium.lady
Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com 
Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify
Instagram: @mediumladyreads